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Comedian that would says get er done12/18/2023 ![]() ![]() Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Sounds like you got something honking for the right of way. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Ooh, I bet that left a mark. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): That'll go down faster than a bottle of Vicodin at Courtney Love's house. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Oh, I can do this all day. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Branching his limb. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Trimming his tree. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Chucking his corn. I'm late and I gotta get something to eat. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): You know what? I can't. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Hey, what's going on Donnie? Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Yeah, trust you. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): How can I trust you? Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): No, I dream about getting a nut rub from Scarlett Johansson. That means I get to go to your big hoedown tonight. I got Crisco at my house.Īrthur Grimsley: Well played, for a hillbilly. Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Ain't gonna take that long. Boy, Connie, you know what your malts do to me?Ĭonnie: Countin' on it, darlin'. ![]() Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): Then I guess this'll have to be settled 'mano e mano'. Omar: Nazi? You stupid inbred country hick retard! I'm Hezbollah! Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): I should have known you was a Nazi! Larry (Larry The Cable Guy): What in tarnation? And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!" I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. What does fruit have to do with underwear? Except I guess when you pull your underwear down you go, "Oh, I should've eaten more fruit." I'd say "tomato", she'd say "bowling shoes!"ĭid you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?Ī friend of mine went fishing and caught a rainbow trout, but he threw it back 'cause he said he didn't want a gay fish. I dated this retarded woman once but we broke up, we couldn't agree on anything. If you're in a gay Mafia and get whacked, is that good or bad? "Say hello to my little friend!" Out in San Fransisco, this is what they've got, a gay Mafia. This guy goes to his doctor one day and the doctor says, "I have bad news, and worse news." He says, "What's the bad news?" The doctor says, "You got 24 hours to live." He says, "What's the worse news?" Doctor says, "I forgot to call you yesterday." I didn't want to, my car broke down in a crappy neighborhood. You know gas is expensive when you see street gangs doing walk-bys. One day she says to me "Soon you're gonna hear the pitter-patter of little feet!" and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, she's pregnant". I went out with this one girl, and she scared me. I wanna do the world's biggest "Git-R-Done". I once tipped a stripper with Monopoly money, and after that she said "That's fake money!" I said "Alright, well them's fake" They looked like a bunch of UPS trucks parked in the middle of the parking lot. Her friends were about as fat as she is and she bought them all matching brown dresses. My sister was getting married, and she's a big ol' sum. I was lucky I passed a couple of red lights or we would've lost the whole kitchen. I called the Fire Department but they said they couldn't get to us so we had to meet them halfway. It was her birthday and I thought it would be cool to light my farts, and it caught her hair. ![]() I was dating a red-head once, no red-hair, just a red-head. I was living with a girl for eight months, until she found out I was living with her (or ".until she found out I was there.") It's called "I Can't Get Over You til You Get Out From Under Him." What happened to airplane attendants being cute? What the hell happened to that? Them girls were so ugly they would make Ray Charles flinch. When she was in a good mood it was blue and when she was in a bad mood it made a red mark upside my dad's head. One year my dad bought my mom a mood ring. ![]() Then he gets off at the exits and we're back to green flag racing! I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.Įver drive down the highway and a policeman gets up behind you? Then everybody goes two by two behind him. I'm on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. I come home, she was like, "want some of this right here." i go, "No, look what it did to your underbritches over there." I had a girl put on crotchless britches for my birthday one time. I was reading the paper the other day because my neighbor got up late. ![]()
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